Archive for June, 2015

29
Jun
15

Why I Evoke the Name ‘Kim Kardashian’

kim

Here’s an odd little story that many will find hard to believe:

There once was an attorney who gained notoriety for defending an football hero (the football hero had been accused of murdering his ex-wife) in a lopsided trial that many felt was a blatant case of justice gone astray. The attorney had four children and he tragically died at the age of fifty nine. The children were left with their mother, who remarried an all-American Olympic athlete (such a great athlete in fact that he was dubbed with the unofficial title “World’s Greatest Athlete) that later became a transgender woman. The attorney’s kids had no real talent to speak of, yet one of these children decided she’d do something in order to attain her own self fame and she went out and taped herself having sex with a music artist. The tape was leaked to the public and after receiving a good settlement by suing ‘someone’ for releasing it, she waited. That act skyrocketed the young girl to international fame on the web, even though she really hadn’t accomplished anything more than having sex with some guy and soon everyone knew who this poor little rich girl was. The media moguls of television decided to showcase her in a program that involved taping her going around doing her daily routine; this show became a success and the girl continued to launch a career based on no talent. Now and then her ratings would slip a bit so she would post pictures of her big ass and chest to up the numbers again and the poor little no talent girl continues to do the same thing to this day. That poor little no talent girl is named Kim Kardashian.

If you were to approach some studio executives back ten years ago and hit them with this story idea, taking out the names of the real life people and replacing them for fiction sake, they would throw you out of the office saying no one would believe the story, that it was too unbelievable to imagine it could actually happen….yet it did actually happen and we all live in that world; Welcome to the Church.

Each time Kim Kardashian plops a new shot of her ass on the web it gets the royal treatment and entertainment web engines all over the internet throw that shit in our face, regardless of whether we care or not. The most boring bits of information about her, or her equally mundane sisters, continue to pollute our news feeds and everyone I know sits and scratches their heads wondering why we’re continually being shown this garbage. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to understand the reason why but I feel it has something to do with the political safety of providing pablum to the public which they refuse to rally against. In the long run of things, most people don’t give a big enough shit about the Kardashaians to shut them down. Most media examples go by unscathed because no one feels they are that threatening. Take the case of the chubby little pageant girl called Honey Boo Boo. Her and her family were a joke to behold, something to watch a laugh at a while and even if you felt the child was being ruined a la Jon Benet Ramsey, everyone let it pass-until it was discovered a dark past of child molestation connected to the grownups of the program and that shut production down immediately.

Faux celebrities will come and go and I venture to say that this trend will probably last a decade or so longer and until (or if) it passes, we will be inundated with boring news updates on Kim, Kim’s kids, Kim’s husband and like stories. The thing which keeps her alive on the web are unknowing hands that click on a story about her. Some exciter headline will provoke people to click to the next page and then the damage is done; the number is registered and search engines note the name ‘Kim Kardashian’ as the catalyst of interest in the internets. I had tried numerous times to tell people to stop clicking on stories about her and I will continue to tell people not to do this. Certainly you have had to see pics of this pseudo-celebrity’s body by now…how many times do you need to see her big ass? Well I can’t stop everyone from clicking on those stories of nothingness so I decided to turn it around and place her name in my story in order to get those clandestine web engines to attach onto my blog post and slip it in with other ‘Kim’ stories. Search engines use things like ‘spiders’ intelligent little scouts that search out key words on the internet, collect and categorize the web pages associated with these key words which they then bundle together. I will use the beast that created this Kardashian nightmare against itself in a effort to be spit out to more and more people out there. If my theory is right i should receive a noticeable spike in readers for this particular post and if that happens, I will let you brothers and sisters of the Church know and then….we’ve got the start of a plan.

19
Jun
15

The Night Narcissus Threw His Hat in the Ring

narcissusThe broadcast announcement of Donald Trump’s run for the 2016 Presidency is almost a week old now and I’m still studying that momentous diatribe of horror and shame. This was just what I was hoping for from my political entertainment; no holds barred insanity leaking from the mouth of an egomaniac hellbent on collecting a new status trophy for his Manhattan showroom.

If you didn’t get a chance to watch this delicious palooza when it first hit the air Sunday night I suggest you go to YouTube and watch the thing in it’s entirety. This has got to be one of the best horror shows of humanity out there. This rich piece of American fodder comes down an escalator to position himself behind a stack of flags and announce his candidacy (something that doesn’t actually leave his mouth until about fifteen minutes into his speech). It starts off gangbusters with Donald speaking to a less than enthusiastic crowd with some anecdote about the stage there and fellow Republican candidates;
“Some of the candidates went in; they didn’t know the air conditioning didn’t work….they sweated(sic) like dogs. They didn’t know the room was too big because they didn’t have anybody there….How are they gonna beat ISIS?”

He had me by the balls with that opener. I had to watch more and Mr. Trump didn’t disappoint. He kept feeding me mindless accounts of disconnected hearsay and superstition. He came right out and said Mexico was giving America “drug dealers and rapists”-then he tries his hand at quelling that statement by saying “and some, I assume, are good people”. Oh Donald, when you entertain, you go all out insane my friend and I hope others can enjoy the freakish display as much as I did.

You may ask, can someone so egocentric and disconnected with 98% of the human race actually be taken seriously? Don’t let that matter to you-this is a shock value installment to Presidential Campaign 2016. Rubio and Santorum couldn’t strike enough ratings on the airwaves to keep people watching and the whole political scene seemed to be faltering when all of a sudden, Donald “You’re Fired” Trump blasts out on the podium while a classic Neil Young tune hammers through the speakers, something that Mr. Young would dearly hope somehow adds to Trumps humility in weeks to come.

This one is too riveting people. I need to ingest some drugs and pound away at the thoughts still sizzling inside me from this carnival of propaganda. I have to keep backing the video up to watch and listening to this speech. It’s the most laughable display yet. I would have expected something close to this from the likes of a fringe GOP hopeful but even they have temperance not to puff their chests out and bellow ‘Amerika!’ at the top of their lungs…not Donald. This man is the perfect poster child for what went wrong with this country and so now he officially throws his hat in the ring. That act alone shows to me he lacks enough discerning skills to be president. We’ve had enough morons in office, we want to start introducing more intelligence.

His speaking skills bring a lack of understanding as to where he’s going with these trains of thought. At one point he said “We have wounded soldiers-who I love….who I love…they’re great….all over the place….and we have
nothing-we can’t even go there.” He keeps trying so hard to hit bullet point words to turn the crowd into a frothing gaggle of political banshees but he just can’t muster that. You can hear a handful of berserkers in the balcony screaming down to him but for the most part his audience lies dormant, listening to this man wondering if he actually believes the crap coming out of his mouth….utterly fascinating. A Dystopian drama of the American spirit and what it has created.

I urge you again, go watch this performance. This is how the world will get to view American politics. This rich little hoodlum from Queens gets up there and gives his tough boy routine…and we thought Honey Boo Boo was embarrassing. Two things I feel would really put this carnival on a level of absurdity just one nth of a degree higher than it is now. First, if somehow Trump could manage to work Kim Kardashian into his future cabinet member lineup, that would cause quite a rush to the adrenal glands for a moment….how wickedly horrible. Second idea (one with seeming clout) would be to have Trump go head to head, one on one with the Big Man himself, Chris Christie. Oh that would be brilliant-two East Coast boyz in a pissing contest. Ultra entertainment; Japanese television programming would have nothing on us that day.

I’m still reeling from this masterpiece. Thank you Donald. Thank you for dancing like a clown before my eyes. The 2016 Presidential Campaign launches into the first part of the really meaty stuff.

…Welcome to the Church.

17
Jun
15

The Shape of Things to Come

the-shape  The summer of 2015 is going into second gear and the thrum of a new generation will start to evolve soon. The Millenials should begin feeling the nip of an upcoming plague on their heels. I sit back here inside the Church, muttering and laughing while I ingest the sacramental communication being fed online. Bizarre snippet headlines urge all to click through to the next home page, the next video. Another election looms on the horizon and media outlets scurry to search out the latest on the surviving candidates. Donald Trump throws his hat into the ring; every generation has their token idiot who flaunts before the public eye like a peacock and Donald will become that person for the new generation. One of the earliest ones I can recall watching on television was Hubert Humphrey – what a shill of a whore that man was. He would have sold out anyone if he could have just made it to the Big Chair but alas, he faded away and the world was better off for it. Mitt the Fish Romney showed those same traits in the last election and I almost felt sorry for the man. I think Mitt could benefit from going to the desert and dosing up on some DMT…it would really straighten him out a bit.

Over on another page the internet is arguing about the strange case of Rachel Dolezal, now being dubbed a trans-racial victim of…..something I’m sure. Michael Jackson’s son, Blanket, has decided to change his name because of all the bullying he suffered for having the name ‘Blanket’. Kim and Kanye rent out some place for a huge amount of money for fill in the fucking blank because that headline will run again and again for a while. One of the world’s greatest male athletes breaks decades of silence to finally decide and be identified as a female……and black people just keep getting shot.

We seem to be facing a whole new rash of oddities in our societies-not just the U.S. but all the nations of the globe are developing rules and regulations for living that have numbers of people baffled. What does the future hold for us? Do any of these new generation figures have an agenda to ‘fix’ the world? We witness a world of hand held communication that I feel has become enhanced in speed reception of shock value imagery but degraded in retention of knowledge. Time has passed on and created a new environment for kids and young adults to grow up in, one older people aren’t familiar with. Technology shot all of us to the crossroads of a new era. Pay little stress over the strange trends which humans tend to go through. Tattoos in today’s society are a norm, piercings not so shocking as they were only back in the 90’s. Ass dragging pants will phase out and huge hipster beards will fall the wayside, people may choose to adopt a lifestyle which sounds off to you but please don’t lose sight of the wonderful things we are currently going through. Search out the entrepreneurial pioneers who want to take that next step and blast us into the Jetsons Age. Elon Musk is out there hawking like a mad weasel trying to slap the public’s attention on his Space-X and Hyperloop projects. What an insane genius-thank god he’s using his powers for good rather than becoming some Bond villain or, worst yet, a politician.

Governments throughout the globe seem to be coming up a bit short in the compassion and empathy department but the good news is, with technology holding the building blocks to answers for our future, we can rely on the ingenuity of almost anyone from anywhere who has access to a computer. Krishan Meeto used 3d printing technology to redesign wind turbines to hep thwart CO2 emissions. There are a lot of fantastic projects currently underway and the more those on the internet can inform one another about the constructive things, the better our chances are of escaping the next story about what Kim and Kanye rented. Become engaged online (if not in person) and support efforts to advance technology. Leave the trends alone because they’ll fade away, just like Hubert Humphrey, and a whole new set of oddities will walk the streets. Help fight for those basics; life, l;iberty, pursuit of happiness…for all…….and for the love of god, stop fucking shooting people.

04
Jun
15

We”ve Got To Stop Peeing in the Pool

pee-pool

It’s very difficult to have hope in humanity. The internet continues to evolve and interact with flesh and blood humans to create a dual world that entertains, informs and mortifies us on a daily basis. The speed of communication has become so fast that what used to take years-decades-to gain global recognition now hammers into everyone’s phone from here to Bangkok almost instantly. Social media and news sources have taken it one step beyond that and splash the web with events that may happen, or could happen. The leisured sitting in a chair to pontificate with scholarly friends while everyone gives their opinions on life and death, snifter of brandy and a line of cocaine to shed off the day’s woes, have become abandoned and replaced with sitting alone with a laptop, puffing on a cigarette and careening through posted videos of wacky behavior and various visual stimuli. Those who wish it would stop and go back to the simpler days of a Kennedy-era life know as well as me that you can’t go back-it will never be like that again. We move forward and all we can do is, take heed to how we move forward.

I’ll be the first to admit that the internet and this young new century of technological advancements hold wonders akin to those promised in the 50’s and I feel very privileged to witness so many miraculous things happening all over but as our high points have soared very very high, so our low points have wallowed to disgusting depths. The one ray of hope is, it’s not as bad as you might think.

Not more than ten minutes ago I lit up a joint and watched a video of some guys in a town halfway around the world, dancing and enjoying themselves when suddenly they were run over by a speeding jeep. That is tragic and I wish them all well but honestly; eleven minutes ago I had no idea they even existed. I saw them get run over and I don’t even know their names. I watched them get plowed down and as I turned and looked out my window, nothing in my neighborhood changed or noticed.

Tragedy happens everyday throughout the Big Blue Marble and we can’t stop all the problems…but imagine for a moment if we did (or if we could). So now we’re living in this world where as soon as we see some tragedy on the internet, we humans, en masse, plug in and remedy the situation; do you think that would stop the malady? The engines and monies behind the corporations who keep the web up and running with quick info and startling graphics are sustained on you clicking on that image or story. If no one watches their show, their business goes belly up. I’m all for capitalistic growth (for now) but I feel we need to do a much better job at weeding the garden of sites providing us with electronic pablum that works to draw us in each day like a nicotine addiction. The world would run just as smooth (smoother!) if we got rid of all those Kardashian stories, yet there they are, every fucking day. Why is that? It’s all about the numbers. We humans sometimes don’t know how to control our reaction and, call it mendacity or sheer ignorance, we hear a story we totally disagree with and turn right around and feed the beast. This is how right wing AM talk radio gained such popularity. Rather that leave it alone, those who opposed the viewpoints of any said SausageHead on the airwaves couldn’t just drop it and walk away, they had to listen in and get angry. I remember years ago riding to work and listening to some moronic cud sucker out in the middle of Illinois ‘splaining’ how things were and I would get irate and yell at the radio and raise my blood pressure, all for naught.

Let’s say you get smart enough to figure that out and leave the Kardashian stories alone. The social cloud will nefariously work to draw you and your loved ones in anyway. I get daily requests to play some lame online game and the notice I receive always gives a friend’s name as the suggester; I know my friends well enough to know they would not do that yet all it takes is one mistaking click by any of us and your social data can be used as a weapon to lure others in. One Denver DJ talk host would get on the air and taunt people to call in saying he wanted to verbally fight with someone that day. What kind of sad commentary is that on our society?

So how do we stop it? I’m not sure but I know one way to deter or fight it; stop peeing in the pool (metaphorically….and realistically as well I guess). We are all taught as young kids to not pee in the pool and eventually we all reach that day where we stop-but it’s all on the honor system. It’s up to you to decide to stop peeing there and to never do it again. Treat those internet pictures and stories the same way-I’m not saying stop looking at really strange stuff but if you run across an AOL news story titled something like “the rest of this photo will shock you…” leave it alone. It really won’t ‘shock’ you at all. If you see an attached video of some asshat abusing an animal, read the caption and move on. It’s a terrible crime but you clicking on the video won’t stop the atrocity. Unless-and I stress the word unless-valid documentation can be provided to show the legitimacy of a fund to help an ailing child or suffering animal, don’t click ‘share’ because you’re doing nothing but adding to the clickrate of someone who gets money when enough people click and redirect to another site off that story. An image and story about an infant stricken with some horrible disease that has disfigured them and makes them gasp for air every moment they exist is a tragic and sad thought but an even sadder thought is knowing some fuck out there is merely using the image to pull at your heartstrings. Don’t be duped. Be smarter than that.

Use the web wisely and in limited amount and it will continue to be a wonderful tool for you. Abuse it and you will become an addicted animal, huddled in the corner afraid of the great big world out there. So what about me you say? Hypocritical that I click on the foreigner dancers being run over?

Twelve minutes ago I decided to stop peeing in the pool.




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