Why I Evoke the Name ‘Kim Kardashian’

Here’s an odd little story that many will find hard to believe:

There once was an attorney who gained notoriety for defending an football hero (the football hero had been accused of murdering his ex-wife) in a lopsided trial that many felt was a blatant case of justice gone astray. The attorney had four children and he tragically died at the age of fifty nine. The children were left with their mother, who remarried an all-American Olympic athlete (such a great athlete in fact that he was dubbed with the unofficial title “World’s Greatest Athlete) that later became a transgender woman. The attorney’s kids had no real talent to speak of, yet one of these children decided she’d do something in order to attain her own self fame and she went out and taped herself having sex with a music artist. The tape was leaked to the public and after receiving a good settlement by suing ‘someone’ for releasing it, she waited. That act skyrocketed the young girl to international fame on the web, even though she really hadn’t accomplished anything more than having sex with some guy and soon everyone knew who this poor little rich girl was. The media moguls of television decided to showcase her in a program that involved taping her going around doing her daily routine; this show became a success and the girl continued to launch a career based on no talent. Now and then her ratings would slip a bit so she would post pictures of her big ass and chest to up the numbers again and the poor little no talent girl continues to do the same thing to this day. That poor little no talent girl is named Kim Kardashian.

If you were to approach some studio executives back ten years ago and hit them with this story idea, taking out the names of the real life people and replacing them for fiction sake, they would throw you out of the office saying no one would believe the story, that it was too unbelievable to imagine it could actually happen….yet it did actually happen and we all live in that world; Welcome to the Church.

Each time Kim Kardashian plops a new shot of her ass on the web it gets the royal treatment and entertainment web engines all over the internet throw that shit in our face, regardless of whether we care or not. The most boring bits of information about her, or her equally mundane sisters, continue to pollute our news feeds and everyone I know sits and scratches their heads wondering why we’re continually being shown this garbage. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to understand the reason why but I feel it has something to do with the political safety of providing pablum to the public which they refuse to rally against. In the long run of things, most people don’t give a big enough shit about the Kardashaians to shut them down. Most media examples go by unscathed because no one feels they are that threatening. Take the case of the chubby little pageant girl called Honey Boo Boo. Her and her family were a joke to behold, something to watch a laugh at a while and even if you felt the child was being ruined a la Jon Benet Ramsey, everyone let it pass-until it was discovered a dark past of child molestation connected to the grownups of the program and that shut production down immediately.

Faux celebrities will come and go and I venture to say that this trend will probably last a decade or so longer and until (or if) it passes, we will be inundated with boring news updates on Kim, Kim’s kids, Kim’s husband and like stories. The thing which keeps her alive on the web are unknowing hands that click on a story about her. Some exciter headline will provoke people to click to the next page and then the damage is done; the number is registered and search engines note the name ‘Kim Kardashian’ as the catalyst of interest in the internets. I had tried numerous times to tell people to stop clicking on stories about her and I will continue to tell people not to do this. Certainly you have had to see pics of this pseudo-celebrity’s body by now…how many times do you need to see her big ass? Well I can’t stop everyone from clicking on those stories of nothingness so I decided to turn it around and place her name in my story in order to get those clandestine web engines to attach onto my blog post and slip it in with other ‘Kim’ stories. Search engines use things like ‘spiders’ intelligent little scouts that search out key words on the internet, collect and categorize the web pages associated with these key words which they then bundle together. I will use the beast that created this Kardashian nightmare against itself in a effort to be spit out to more and more people out there. If my theory is right i should receive a noticeable spike in readers for this particular post and if that happens, I will let you brothers and sisters of the Church know and then….we’ve got the start of a plan.