20
Feb
15

The Madness Called ComiCon pt. 3

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The ushers at the main entry into ComiCon yell at the sea of people swarming into the event, announcing ‘hands up!’-a command they give in order to see your wristband for entry. Fitting, as I see all of us as hostages to the fanfare. We breeze inside and I begin to notice the high point of the mushrooms effect kicking in. I couldn’t have timed this better if I’d planned; it was like a simultaneous orgasm with your partner. My body was bathed in sweat and I clinched my jaw muscles as we worked our way around the exhibits. I never realized how much of a thieves den these places are. It wasn’t the merchandise prices that appalled me, it was the high priced hooker approach to giving you a taste of the geeking icons you wanted to wrap your fingers around. The 60s Batmobile was cordoned off behind ropes where a guy would charge you $20 to have your picture taken next to the vehicle. Lines of lemmings waited their turn to get an autographed picture from the Green Power Ranger. Some guy who was a Spock impersonator was selling-I don’t even know what he was offering but apparently he was making a pretty decent amount off whatever it was he did. I admit he looked a lot like the character Leonard Nimoy portrays in the Star Trek films; I believe his costume was the dress red uniform worn in the Wrath of Kahn film but what really struck me was his height-the guy had to be at least 6 foot five. I turned to my brother to reassure me it wasn’t a hallucination.
Is that guy really that tall?
No time to dwell on that…more hysteria up ahead. At some point after walking around a bit and reflecting inside my head on various mind numbing thoughts the spores had produced, we happened upon a booth where the DeLorean time machine from the Back To The Future movies was. My brother had told me he would get a picture of me sitting in the car for my blog but I thought he was joking. He was not kidding-in fact the photo made it into the spread Nuvo carried, the casual shot of some old fuck sitting in the DeLorean, unaware to so many that his head was messed up on drugs at that moment. My brother Mike has a finesse in his approach to people he has to deal with while doing the photographic dance, be it for fun or assignment, he can carry his body language to persuade the situation to his favor.
He asked me for a couple dollars earlier and suggested it would show good faith on our part to donate a few bucks to the Michael J. Fox Foundation, which I suppose sponsors the car booth at these events. Everyone was expected to donate before getting next to the car. I had forgotten about the plan as my mind drifted a dozen different directions but then we closed in on the DeLorean booth and Mike approached the cashier. He started off with his normal banter about being with the press and covering the event blah blah blah , and then I heard him mention something about wanting to get his brother to take a picture sitting in the car. He said he would give them three bucks to do so and waited for their response. Now I had to snap to. I could no longer stay back as an inconspicuous spectator-all eyes would be on me in a moment and I felt drenched in drug sweats, dead certain my eyeballs must be popping out of my head. I told myself to keep my composure. The hoverboard from the movie was attached to the side of the car so anyone wanting to be hovering next to the car could get up and do that. The gent before us, some deformed nerd in a fez with a flashlight was doing the hoverboard and I knew right then that I would not allow myself to be ridiculed like that.
“Do you want to do the hoverboard thing?”
“No. I want in the car.” I told them I might fall off, which was probably true at this point. Mike tells them I’m a bit clumsy and don’t feel comfortable on the hoverboard-great call on his part. Pawn me off as some mentally challenged adult; that works for me. I get to the car and the pro photographer paid to sit there and take shots gets right in my face. I avoid his eyes because I can just imagine him spotting me out and yelling for security-‘this mans on drugs and trying to desecrate the Back to the Future car!!!”
what he ends up saying is something about three important rules to remember.
“Number One, don’t touch any lights or anything on the outside of the car. Number two, be very careful not to bump your head getting in the car.”
My mind blanked and I forgot what the third rule was but hurried my way into the car to get this thing over with. Too many eyes on me, too many nerds and small children watching. As I get out of the car I see a sign that says having your picture taken in the car costs twenty dollars…oh that smooth talking bro of mine.(contd.)

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