08
Aug
13

My Shag Lounge Political Nirvana pt. 1

shag

“I Wanna Getcha’ High
I Want To Get  Next To You”
-Somethin’ Hot, the Afghan Whigs

My record socializing with Asian women (to date) is a big 0-2. My first incident happened while I was heavily under the influence from a heap of beers and a couple lines of crank. Tonight’s incident didn’t involve speed but here was another irate Korean chick, in my face to interrupt my plateau of happiness, my mind fog of joy. A friend of mine whom I haven’t seen in a while popped back into the states for a day or two and wanted to chat about ‘politics and shit’, as he put it. He no longer has a house here so we needed a place to sit and blather our brains out; my suggestion led us to the Shag Lounge.

The Shag reminds me of the type bar you’d see in a Frank Miller graphic novel mixed with some failed hipsters and couples meeting for a secret affair. Low thumping music and a dark interior lit by flamingo pink neon lights. This is my newly adopted favorite public dungeon of solace. My friend picked me up and after a short drive and a few bowls of some potent strain we were on the bar stools at the Shag ordering some tequila. House special prices til ten and mi compadre is footing the bill (at my insistence-I refused to hang with him otherwise and if you knew him I believe you’d insist too). He looks at the bartender and trying to be jovial asks if it’s okay if we talk politics. “I don’t mind” the bartender smiles. “-as long as you don’t talk against my politics.” Ha- fucking ha. Hand me my tequila.

So we initially start commenting on Pope Francis’ recent news bombshell. The Pontiff came out on Monday and during an interview announced that he does not judge gay priests and seeks a greater role for women in the Catholic Church. What a fucking outstanding PR move from the Pointy Hat. The Catholic Church has been slowly dieing from financial straits and exposed molestation incidents from priests. This statement to the press smacked two birds with one stone. He states a new Church stance toward homosexuality, which takes the public focus off the kid rape-brilliant!

“It’s about time that the Church caught up with the times and listened to the people” my friend tells me. I was a little surprised he felt this way because this guy is uber-hetero; I thought for sure he would have this ‘fuck all queers’ mentality but he proved me wrong. Bravo for him and the Pope.

“Smart move from the Pope-this could boost sales for the Church” I crack. “Folks might start coming back to the Church-hell they might even start letting gay people into sermons.”

“Why not” he smiles. “Shit they’re used to fucking young boys-sounds like they’re open to almost any suggestion.”

I reminded him that Jesus hung out with whores and we started laughing and slapping the bar, tears coming out of our eyes…that’s when the Korean girl leaned over and stuck her face into ours. “I don’t appreciate that kind of talk.”

“Then why the fuck are you in a bar?” I shrugged. My friend looked like he was going to pipe in and say something when all of a sudden the inhouse DJ starts spinning some slow beat hip-hop love song which gets him to his feet and up on the stripper pole; The Shag Lounge has a stripper pole in the middle of the place for the truly drunk. “Hey Geronimo” he yells at me.” I’ll be your gay slut dancah!” I stand up and start blessing him like a priest. The tequila(s) mixed with all that pot had broken down our inhibitions. I snap back quick and offer an apology to the Asian girl. “Look, I’m not knocking the Church. I’m just saying that they’ve had a pretty shaded past and they need to clean up their act. Maybe this Pope’s trying to rebuild the Catholic Church for the better of the religion, which means he has to start cleaning his own house and getting it in order.”

“Fucking politicians could take a lesson from the fucking Pope” my friend shouts out. Then he falls off the pole, onto the floor.

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