28
Aug
12

Elephants Tussle in the Land of Flamingoes

God am I sickened at the the realization that I won’t be able to make it to Florida for the Republican Convention. I had high hopes of starting a fundraising rally to send me there to give a firsthand report on the madness that will ensue but as luck would have it, people seem to be too broke to drum up a few thousand dollars for me. So it goes, I still have the internet. That’s what I love about this day and age. Years ago we would have relied on nightly reports from Brian Williams or Dan Rather or (God forbid) Britt Hume, to bring us the day’s events from the convention floor. Thanks to the advent of cell phone cameras, blogging and Twitter feeds, we now have multiple resources to create total chaos inside this honored ceremony. News travels fast on the convention floor and reactionary reports from every other person’s Ipad make political sleight of hand harder to pull off. Delegate Melinda Fredricks set off a bomb Monday by reading a letter in protest of recent underhanded maneuvers by the GOP. Seems they want to throw in a few rule changes that would allow the GOP Presidential candidate to veto and replace state delegates and before you knew it, this information was all over the web causing a flurry of response from Texas delagates.

You don’t fuck with Texas. Those cowboys might break out into a true fist fight on the convention floor unless this matter gets resolved. Now if that’ not enough entertainment, throw some more fuel on the fire courtesy of the political freestyling antics of Ron and Rand Paul. Kentucky Senator Rand Paul plans to use his prime time speaking spot to urge tighter scrutiny on the Pentagon’s budget and throw into question the need for all this defense spending. This probably won’t go over well with the Romney supporters, as Mitt ‘the Fish’ Romney and Paul ‘Hynotoad’ Ryan have stressed a favored defense spending initiative if elected. I hope that Kentucky Senator lays it on and doesn’t puss out with some quick last minute stab of a statement on stage. Those kind of last minute quips tend to get overlooked, especially when you have to get up before that huge mic and swear your allegiance to some guy that took the job your dad was shooting for. Here’s where the old dog, Ron Paul, steps onto the scene with a classic fucking move. He plans to give up his opportunity to address the convention because the stakes are too high for him. He was given the chance, under the stipulation that he fully endorse Mitt Romney for president, and he replied “I don’t fully endorse him for president.” Out fucking standing Ron, way to knock one outta the park. Whether you agree with the man’s politics or not, you have to give him credit for having the balls to stick to his principles enough to pass up an opportunity like that. So often we see sellout politicians get up on that stage after a lengthy loss in a campaign, only to support their former opponent like some whipped bitch-not Ron Paul. Son of a bitch stuck to his guns.

As the convention moves along I hope the hysteria and comical foray of opposing views continues. I admit selfish reasons behind begging for more anarchy because I truly believe that this year, like the last election, we are all voting to elect President Ineffective, or President Nose Pinch. Either way, we’re fucked, so at least let me laugh while you fuck me.

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