How Romney Might Win; Eduardo and His Escorpion Jugo

My evening after work started with a huge desire to just lie on the couch and die; I had one of those nasty bugs that hits you, hopefully nothing more than the 24 hour strain but it drained most of my energy. I probably would have done just that but became sidetracked remembering that this Saturday was May 5, Cinco de Mayo, that heathen Chicano celebration that has become more a drunken fiasco in this country than in the land it originated from. I decided to call my personal Latin berserker, Eduardo, to see what he might have on tap for the weekend.  I called him on the phone and told him how crappy I felt but wondered if he had anything entertaining, quasi-legal, ready for the fifth.
“Come over here for a while man, let’s talk politics and shit”

Once again I told him I was sick but he assured me he could give me some medicine, maybe a little tea (he knows my weakness for good tea) and we could just stay at his place. He promised no going out, no shooting up the neighborhood (see my earlier blog entry for reference to that fun event), just hang and bang out a conversation. This is when I enjoy Eduardo the best, when he gets in a mood to debate. The reckless  shit he pulls when he starts drinking or gets high on whatever drugs he pumps in that melon head of his can be frustrating to contend with-like some ADHD kid on meth. I drug my weak ass out to the curb on Colfax and waited for him to show up. We continue to this day to have a mutual understanding that he is not to ever come into my neighborhood. When he comes over to Aurora to get me I always have him pick me up somewhere near this seedy strip club….seems appropriate for some reason.

After waiting a while Ed picks me up and is on his best behavior, no stick-on pipe blazing weed from his dashboard, no gunning his engine down the street while swigging on some cheap Bacardi. This is a good thing. I didn’t have the strength or patience to put up with any sophomoric bullshit from him. We get to his crib and I sit on the couch while he starts brewing some tea, a nice oolang to sooth the stomach.

He goes into his bathroom and comes out with a small bottle. “I’ll put some of this in your tea man, it’ll help you feel better.”
“what is it?”
“What kind of medicine.”
“Medicine that will make you feel better-don’t be such a pussy. You want to feel better or not?”
I made sure to tell him my allergies and he assured me none of those ingredients were in the stuff. I asked him again what was in the mysterious liquid.
“If I told you it was pig piss would you drink it?”
Not knowing whether pig piss had medicinal qualities or not I figured he wouldn’t harm me-plus what kind of moron would keep pig urine in their bathroom cabinet? He gave me the tea and right before I took a drink looked Ed in the eyes. “If this kills me I will come back and haunt you for the rest of your life.” I took a sip of the tea….nice, pleasant taste. “Okay man, what’s in it?”
“Scorpion juice.”
At first I thought he was kidding me but then my tongue started feeling a bit funny-similar to how you feel if you rub cocaine on it.
“what the fuck is this Eduardo?
“I told you, scorpion juice. My aunt in Mexico is like some Bruja pharmacist or something, makes up stuff all the time for me.”
Now I was a bit nervous. I supposed I would be okay but then again…..I had a scorpion sting me once while living in Texas that sent me on a 3 day fever pitch unlike anything else. I could imagine waking up here 3 days later with no clothes and no job, or maybe become like that urban legend, waking up in a bathtub full of ice with a kidney missing.
“You worry too much” Ed smiled and took a swig from the bottle. “This stuff just calms you down-you’ll be fine.”
Time to trust him at his word. He wouldn’t poison himself and I had to admit that I felt pretty good….time for some gabbing.


0 Responses to “How Romney Might Win; Eduardo and His Escorpion Jugo”

  1. Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Calendar of Posts

May 2012
« Apr   Jun »

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Blog Stats

  • 12,102 hits

%d bloggers like this: