The Romney/Santorum Battle Royale: Whose God Will Win?


The campaign trail continues to leave all spectators on the edge of their seat as we witness the continued bludgeoning from the Republican hopefuls. Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum appear to be the strongest contenders in this cage match of piss and venom. It’s like watching a WWF wrestling match; just when you think one wrestler is down for the full three count, he shirks his opponent off and gets to his feet with renewed energy. Not more than a few days ago we saw a re-energized Rick Santorum soundly stuffing Mitt Romney in Colorado and Minnesota. The Pennsylvanian beat his chest like a mountain gorilla, tasting victory in the name of the Holy One and then, like the other Republican hopefuls before him in this race, he overstepped his popularity. He became Godsmacked with power listening to all those voices in force-filled halls, calling his name, breathing in the power. At that moment, Mitt Romney got off the mat and came in for the kill.

The Filet O’ Fish boy punched his way back into the fight by winning Michigan and Wyoming. He has yet to win the whole show but he definitely put Rick back on his heels for a moment. Mitt keeps a wary eye near the turnbuckles knowing that any moment on the campaign trail could bring a sneak attack from Ron Paul or Newt Gingrich, both waiting on the sidelines with a chair to smash into his spine. Once the preliminary show is over and we make it to the Republican convention, that’s where the scorecards will be added and we’ll have our champion. Every remaining candidate is pressing to get the state by state support needed to push them ahead but very little time is left. Broken promises are being handed out like candy. Santorum caved in from toeing the political line and made a poor attempting gesture to gain support from women by spewing some heart filled story about his 93 year old mother….people booed from the crowds but the ref doesn’t see that move so he got away with it. Romney continues to swagger around believing he is the Chosen One; his Mormon God will defeat the Santorum God and smite his opponent with hands full of financial backing.

One man will emerge the winner and just like WWF, you can never be sure who the winner will be until the bell rings. What these candidates need to be cautious of is falling victim to their own narcissism. Stick to the mainstream rules and concerns, don’t go rogue and start spouting off crazy shit like making a permanent colony on the moon or throwing more American lives away in another senseless war. Work on the economy, work on our country, fix the leaking dam. Each time a candidate brings up their personal vision for our country the press and every other citizen out there turns their head and throws up. The poll numbers jump back and forth because once people get a taste of the favored frontrunner they spit them out and shove a previous week’s winner back in their maw to remind themselves why they discarded that person in the first place. It’s a back and forth game and still up for grabs so sit back and watch the bloodbath continue. Just pray that Newt doesn’t sneak back in the arena.


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