27
Feb
12

The Satroum Sanitarium: Mythos Arcanum from a Deranged Politician

“There are two kinds of people in this world I can’t stand. People who are intolerant of other people’s culture and the Dutch”

-Nigel Powers, Goldmember

 I almost blew some really fine tasting scotch out my nose while watching footage of the latest blunder statement from Rick Santorum. The man wasn’t happy attacking our president or those politically oriented to the left, he had to go after the Dutch. This is a thing of beauty folks, like a strip club performance where every drunken sot in the place is waiting for the money shot, and when it comes the joint is speechless. Yes Rick Santorum just gave me a money shot, a naked view of his shaved insanity.

 For those of you addicted to the political campaign as I am, we never find ourselves truly surprised by the absurdity spilling from a candidate’s mouth. We witness all those bi-partisan promises every four years about how electing a particular man or woman will give us lower taxes, bring our troops home (or send our troops somewhere, depending on which way the winds of war blow), fix our roads, improve our schools, cut our meat for us and stand on patrol over a woman’s uterus. This year’s melange of dribbling pablum has jumped back to the times of Jerry Falwell and his Moral Majority to once again try and put the fear of Yaweh in us. Santoum is proving himself to be a suitable candidate for the job and has taken it a few steps further with a brand new selection of designer sins to cast before the bloodshot eyes of his flock. Weeks ago he was questioning Obama’s religious values-but why stop there? He had to make it a point to attack the Dutch and accuse them of euthanizing their elder citizens. Rick even gave us a nightmarish vision of old Dutch people running for the borders pleading for their lives as if the Netherlands had transformed into some dystopian society straight out of Logan’s Run. It’s an all or nothing crap shoot and the Bible thumping Pennsylvanian is going for broke, relying on a swarm of ex-PTL watching mutants to come crawling out of the woodwork to pull the lever and place him in the White House.

 The circus just keeps getting crazier folks and I’m digging on the performance knowing full well that more than half the promises made by any presidential nominee will never surface into existence. Our leader, the Great Hope and Change, found out it was easy enough to say he was going to end the war but when it came down to actually bringing troops home the best he could manage was to divert them from Iraq to Afghanistan. Santorum keeps plugging away and still needs to knock Mitt Romney out of the way for good, but right now the stats play into his favor. This could be the most entertaining kind of showdown to witness. Rick on the pulpit with a Bible trying to cast out the evil Muslim (alleged and totally false) man that has taken our country to the brink of destruction, then he can cue in all the women in the audience about how the black man grows a tail and horns at midnight, that epic superstitious rumor once started amongst white servicemen to give them a fighting chance at getting some foreign tang. Yes this would actually be a more rousing fight to watch. Romney would probably just babble on in that meek monotonous voice of his but Rick….that boy is full of the Spirit and ready to start speaking in tongues and tossing the Holy Water. I paid for a good fight damn it and I want to see blood.

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