15
Dec
11

Tim Tebow and the Flying Jesus All-Star Football Team

I’ll probably be assassinated by some local Denverite preacher wanna-be armchair coach for besmirching the name of the All-powerful Tim Tebow, Colorado’s newest answer to victory through purity. Some of those who have followed this kids rise to glory in the ranks of the NFL are a zealous group of fanatics hell bent on holding his faith as testimony to better living through Christianity. From his days at Nease High school, then on to become a Florida Gator and now winding his way into the shadow of John Elway, the media floods the Broncos quarterback with praise and attention. Religious talk show hosts and general politico-sensationalists parade this poster boy for family values as the living example of the chosen path to salvation.

Having become a Bronco follower since moving out here I desire a great team to watch as much as the next fan. Everyone loves a winning team but why must we be whisked away on the wings of  superstition to feel we have achieved it? A multitude of quality players in the NFL have brought their own branch of voodoo to the gridiron. Joe Namath was legendary with a career that spanned three division championships, one league championship and a world championship. Players like Joe Montana, Dan Marino, even the bad boy antics of Lawrence Taylor in his hey-day were admired by supporters; they all have their moment of glory, then slowly fade away. Every individual in the NFL is subject to the rules of the game, and I don’t mean the game on the field. Tebow could be starting off his career with a bang but all it takes is one busted knee that could leave him running for a syringe full of thorazine to compete. Designer steroid stamina kept Bill Romanowski on the field competing in double super bowl championships for the Denver Broncos and all the while local fans shouted him on as he delivered pain to his opponents, merciless shit to take them down and make them hurt. When push comes to shove, needle goes to muscle. These titans are pumped full of juices to make them run faster work harder and generally perform with superior abilities and we as spectators love it. If you mix into the formula the name of Jesus, well, now you have an All-Star league of Apostles on the field to watch every Sunday to thwart the evil opponent, whatever team in the NFL that might be.

I suppose my take on moral superiority received an early awakening. Years ago before the advent of DVD in home viewing and internet porn there were adult theaters everywhere. I had a job at one in Indianapolis where I spent my days selling tickets, sniffing amyl nitrate and writing short stories for a local porn publication. An endless parade of citizens walked through those doors to view sex showing man on woman, woman on woman, woman on animal, man on man…you get the picture. I sold tickets to local high school teachers there for Gay Sunday movies. Local priests and cops, upstanding community leaders all came through those seedy doors to view a movie and enjoy a bit of lust for the evening. The guy who taught me English turned out to be a huge fan of man on man films and indulged in large doses of amphetamines. A downtown deacon always came in looking for a threesome; I learned not to condemn or judge these folks for what seemed to be blatant hypocrisy, rather I understood it to be an affirmation of how human we all are.

Remember you football fans throughout the world, we are all human, we all have our flaws. If you find yourself holding the moral compass up to the masses or creating golden statues of pro league players that thank God every weekend for not getting their fibula shattered, you leave yourself open to a pious finger pointing at you.

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1 Response to “Tim Tebow and the Flying Jesus All-Star Football Team”


  1. 1 Mic
    12/16/2011 at 1:56 am

    I didn’t realize they were doing a big Christian buzz on Teebow. I just watched him play a little..he seems like tough quaterback. He cannot continue to run the ball…he will get hurt. I like your angle on your story. There were a few outside the box teachers we had in Indiana…Oh well. We are all
    only human.


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