I Think I Liked It Better When The World Was Round

Remember the kids in the playground

avoiding the bullies each day

Timing your life to the monsters

the monsters that won’t go away

-Ian Hunter “When the World Was Round”

 One of the saddest things I can think of is an unloved child. In my mind what constitutes an unloved child is one who doesn’t have a parent there to clean them up and feed them, no one there to read to them and read with them, no one there to share in their joys and help them through their sorrows. To some this may sound like a fairly easy agenda to fulfill but my witness into the world around me shows quite a lot of neglect; neglect both physically and emotionally.  A lot of folks out there have a real problem with letting a kid be a kid and this is crushing them, taking away the spark that makes kids alive with energy and zeal. We are stomping the fun out of kids.

If you have a young one at home and you’ve never been mattress surfing with them you should be shot. Grab that mattress and head for a stairwell before it’s too late. Go have a water balloon fight with them when weather permits. Take them out to the Great outdoors, build a fire and let them throw sticks and shit in it. Be a monster for them to slay. The simple pleasures of life should be shared with a child and not monitored on the sideline of some soccer game where half the people are watching over the top of their phone texting some all important bullshit. Do you think your kid doesn’t know they’re second fiddle to you when you do this? Do you want them to just veg out in front of the XBox watching fantasy characters blow each other away? By forcing them into a half dozen after school activities are you making them a happier, more well rounded individual?

Last weekend I went to the Occupy Denver political Rally (see earlier blog post “Eagle Force Five, You Have Failed Us Again”) and amidst the small group of protestors was one couple who brought their daughter, a girl of about seven or eight. The young girl was pulling at the poncho of her mother, calling to her to get her attention but the mother seemed too preoccupied with following someone in the crowd who could be a potential leader of that fiasco. The daughter gave up and told the mother she was going to see her dad, then walked away, probably already prepared for her mother showing no response. The girl walked about fifty feet over to where her father was sitting cross legged on the sidewalk talking to some woman and paid his daughter no more attention than the mother. Hippie parents can be so cold people.

One other problem society seems to be disrupting our kid’s lives with is this desire to merge fantasy with reality, for what purpose, is beyond me. Why do they feel a child will be more well rounded if we introduce a homeless character on Sesame Street? And why the fuck did they stop Cookie Monster eating cookies? He’s a fucking cookie monster for Christ sake! Some people believe it will encourage their child to eat too many sweets and cookies. Here’s a thought, tell your kid they’re not a cookie monster. In fact, tell them if they eat too many cookies they’ll get diabetes and have to have a leg sawed off, that’s more realistic than letting them believe some fictitious puppet has to change his diet because it’s not healthy for him. Not healthy for a puppet? Do you really think your child has a problem distinguishing a puppet from a real live boy or girl? Wll your child really listen to nutritional advice from a fucking sock on your hand?

Halloween is another example of adults going overboard. I saw some woman walking out of a pharmacy the other day and her son wanted to put on a zombie mask they purchased for Halloween. The mother informed him that he wasn’t allowed to do that until October 31st. Who put a stick in your ass bitch? Let the kid wear the mask, let him walk around and pretend he’s a zombie-he’s a kid! I think kids should be allowed to wear costumes to the store whenever they feel like it. Trust me, the clothes parents force their kids to wear are just as much a costume as anything else.

The bottom line is, let kids be kids while they’re still kids. The time will come soon enough for them to grow into the world of wonder and delight that you and I now share, that world of taxes and mother fuckers taxing you. They’ll develop prostrate problems and suffer menopause, may get herpes, may get AIDS and die, may get shot in Afghanistan, might become meth heads, may become a crack whore but not because you allowed them to wear a zombie mask before Halloween. Let children be children and maybe some of that happiness will start to rub off onto you.


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